he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
