Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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