im about as happy as oj after his trial
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
