apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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