it hurts more in the daytime
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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