do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
