Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
