i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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