FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
