More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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