I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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