I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
