I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
