there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
