what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
