What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
