they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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