he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
