weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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