i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
