Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
