Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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