Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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