pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
