Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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