I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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