so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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