xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
