I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
