Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
As shirtless as possible
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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