I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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