hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
