Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
