Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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