My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
