Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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