If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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