My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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