cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
