Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
