my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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