Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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