he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
