I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
