Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
