I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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