Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
