I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
