I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
