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it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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