So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
